Thursday, June 23, 2016

My Next Thirty Years

This year I turn 30.

I'm gonna let that one sink in. 

Honestly, I haven't really given it much thought. I never really know how old I am anyway (I know, weird) so turning thirty has never really been an issue for me. But lately I've been in a little bit of a rut. I'm doing the day-to-day thing but there is nothing driving me. 

But today I made a decision. I am going to enjoy my 30s more than my 20s. This past decade hasn't been easy. I skipped out on college to help build Mark's company thinking that I would inhert it. Well that just didn't work out. So then I branched off, I wanted to work on set but by that time Barry and I were together and someone had to stay home and take come of the dogs. I know it sounds like a lame excuse but they are crate trained and you just can't leave a dog in their crate for 12+ hours. So I stayed home and started Heritage Knitting, a fun but ultimately failed venture. We have always been under the gun financially so I never felt like I could relax. And then I had my boys. All hope of ever being that fun and carefree beach girl went away in an instant. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys but it feels like the eniretly of my 20s was based on someone else's plan. I never got to do the things that I wanted to do because I was always trying to help someone or make someone else happy and I was always, always the responsible one.

I'm kinda done with that. 

I'm kinda done living for other people without taking care of myself. 

I'm kinda done schlupping around feeling sorry for myself because 
I'm not doing the things that I want to do.

I'm  kinda done with forever trying to organize and declutter our home. 

I'm kinda done with always being behind of filing, billing, computer work etc

I'm kinda done trying to lose "that last 30 pounds".

I'm just. kinda. done. 

So, to quote Tim McGraw:

The next thirty years are going to be the best years of my life. 

I'm going to get fit. I'm going to go to the beach when I want to. I'm going to spend my summers in a bikini with a deep tan and my winters rocking skinny jeans. I'm going to take the boys on adventures. I'm going to say yes without worrying about the consequences.  I might even go back to college.

I'm not going to be afraid anymore. 

and I just. can't. wait. 


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