Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My Birth Story

I know this has been a loooong time coming, but hey!

Better late than never!! 


My Birth Story.

Well...not my birth story, hehe, its the story of my little Baby Bear's birthday. 
His birth day story actually starts almost three days before he was actually born.

I went in for one of my weekly 9th month check ups. There was a bit of trepidation
on my part since the boy hadn't been moving around a whole lot and lets face it...
I wanted that baby OUT! Every. Single. Tactic was used to 
coerce him to eject himself and it just wasn't working.

Dr. Espana took a look via ultrasound and was concerned the the boy
wasn't really moving. His heartbeat was fine, but he wasn't moving. 
I think my heart stopped at that point, I had wanted to be told that I was in labor
 (did I mention that I wanted the baby out?) but I hadn't counted on there
actually being something wrong that would cause us to induce. 

Ok, so I was freakin' huge. No judging lol

We were admitted to the hospital Tuesday night.  We decided that we had time to
 show the nurses our birth plan later so the nurses tried a gel
that was supposed to open my cervix. After a slightly uncomfortable
night of trying to sleep and instead talking of how excited we were, 
Barry and I woke up to find that I hadn't dilated AT ALL!
The doctor decided to wait the day to see if a little pitocin would help.

Round Two!

I finally got to eat wednesday night. Best. Sandwich. Ever.

Wednesday night the doctor inserted a Cervical Ripening Balloon. 
It works JUST like you think it would. There is this balloon, that 
goes...ahem. They fill the balloon with saline, leaving you incredibly 
uncomfortable, say good luck and expect you to just go to sleep. 

There was no sleeping. 

Thursday morning (super early) it seemed that I had done well overnight and 
they upped my pitocin. I was dilated 4 cm. so technically I was in active labor.

At 4am my labor (in my eyes) started. The contractions were getting
harder to where I was actually noticing them but I wasn't noticing them in
the front but rather in my back. After four hours of this I realized I was having
back labor and that was when the shit really hit the fan.

I swear to you, I only felt a single contraction in my uterus. Every single other
contraction was a knife in my back. Thursday day and Thursday night seemed to 
fly by in a flurry of contractions and downtime. I'm kidding. It only seems like it 
flew by because I can't really remember what happened lol.

Friday morning it was announced that I was a whole five freaking centimeters 
dilated. Dr. Espana decided to go ahead and break my water. In the beginning, I was completely
against any sort of induction, breaking of water, epidurals, etc. At this point I had
been in labor a full day and I began to see that if I didn't get this show on the road I'd 
end up getting a C Section. I consented to the breaking of the waters.

Holy. Freaking. Cow.

My labor started in earnest and it was still freaking BACK LABOR!!! Dr. Espana
asked me to get an epidural after five hours of that nonsense. I needed to rest so that
when it came to the pushing part I would have the strength to actually push. 
Best thing ever, I tell ya! For a minute.

My epidural wore off within three hours of received it. During that time I dilated
from five cm to seven. Then...poof! It just went away. Unfortunately, during that
time the anesthesiologist was in the middle of a surgery and couldn't help me. 

I felt every single minute of seven cm to ten cm. 

Finally the anesthesiologist came by and gave me a double dose of 
God-Only-Knows-What and it was amazing! Just as the epidural started working
again the doctor was like "Oh, you can start pushing now." ;) Silly doctors.

I think I only pushed for around twenty minutes before I got to meet little Barry.

Seriously, that alien head threw me off lol

I'd like to get all teary eyed and tell you how beautiful of a moment it was but
in the spirit of full disclosure, I was vomiting in a tiny blue bag when I saw him. 
I was stitched up and Barry's family literally flew into the room to oh and ah over the baby.

Barry's dad with the boy.
I was still throwing up. Not fun. 

With my mommy, shortly after my vomiting fit.

The next thing I really remember clearly is seeing my son for the first time (not vomiting)
and the first thing I said was "He's PINK!" See, the first first time I saw him he
was covered in slime and blood and I swear to God he was purple. The next time
I saw him he was a cute little pink baby! lol 

It was finally quiet in our room and I got to hold my son (finally) and we were whisked
away to our recovery room where the boy was given a bath and I slept like a log!

Things I Learned:

1. Show your nurses the birth plan, otherwise family will burst into the delivery room
while you're still vomiting and bleeding and you have no one to blame but yourself.

2. Have all the paperwork signed and ready for the epidural even if you don't think you
want it. We did and not waiting that extra ten minutes while having contractions is a 
beautiful thing.

There will be more "What I Learned" but that will be a different post.


I will say that it is hard for me to look back on Barry's birth with joy in my heart.
Every single thing we planned went wrong. I was in labor 41 hours and I had
people barging into my room before I was ready. I can easily say I was in complete
shock over what happened and short of my mother...no one noticed. I was in the middle
of a break down and everyone was too busy oohing and aahing over the baby to notice
that I was in shock. I had to get nine stitches, the doctors were worried that I was bleeding
too much and I was vomiting all over my mother and no one noticed.

No one tells you what happens when it all goes wrong.
No one tells you that it is perfectly normal to have a mental break down
when your baby is born.

I think it is important to tell women that sometimes birth doesn't go well and it is important
to not feel guilty if you look back on your baby's birth and you feel violated. It is ok,
there is nothing wrong with you and feeling this way does not mean you love your baby

Sometimes it is just hard and there is nothing you can do about it but accept it and
move on. Love your baby, do the best you can and just ignore all the posts you
see on Facebook about everyone and their perfect lives.

All in all, I can't wait to have another baby and give natural birth another go.
I truly feel that if we had not induced I would not have had back labor and
I would not have been in labor for so long. We shall see.

This was not the perfect birth and this has not been the perfect adventure
that I thought it would be but I am happy. I love my family and I can't wait
to see what kind of trouble we can get in to.





  1. That was an amazing post. Thank you for being so honest. I'm not pregnant yet, but I want to be in the next few years and this was so real, relatable, and filled with seriously good advice. I struggle with not getting caught up in other people's "highlight reel" too. The baby is precious! Hope you're having fun being a mommy :)

    1. Thank you! I'm glad it wasn't too much information. :) It was really hard to write this post honestly, I was caught up in trying to make it look like it was perfect but then I realized it was more important for me to let other women know that sometimes birth is hard to deal with but that it is ok. I needed to hear that from an unbiased source (aka not my mom and not ashlie lol) and I couldn't find anyone who felt the same way I felt. It is my hope that I can help some woman out there who is feeling lost and guilty for not viewing her birth as the best day ever. :)

  2. I definitely agree. At least now you have been able to look back on everything and learn what steps you should take to make your next experience a much better one. No one's life is perfect, and the reality of childbirth should not make young mother's feel ashamed in anyway of the hardship if the experience. I hope now you can focus on the positives though now, like that you have a beautiful precious little family!!!

    1. I feel a lot better about it than I did, but every now and then it still gets to me. :/ Thanks so much for the support though. Truly, that first talk we had after the birth you said a lot of things to me that helped me view what happened in a better light. I am so grateful for that. :)

    2. Well, I know I would definitely be upset about it too, not gonna lie. I just want the best experiences for you possible! You're my little Momma friend now haha.


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